When I started this journey of parenting a child with special needs, I thought Type 1 Diabetes was a problem I needed to solve. Thinking that if I just looked long and hard enough, I could find the remedy to her problem. I was most definitely stuck in the “Why did this have to happen to me?” state of mind, and the medical model of treatment that suggests that when there is something wrong with your child, you fix her. At some point I realized that maybe it was not my daughter who had to change, it was me.
Once I did, I realized that I had been focusing on my daughter’s behavior and condition so much that I missed opportunities to show her how great she is. I began to see the world differently. It’s not that my daughter is disabled or less than normal. I came to realize it is not about controlling or fixing my daughter; it is about changing my mind about my daughter. It is true that my daughter has been my inspiration on this journey, but what I discovered was a path of forgiveness for all aspects of my life.
As parents, it takes us a while to learn that our purpose is not to acquire what we believed we are lacking in our lives or to fix those people and things we believe are broken. It took many heartbreaking moments before I realized that my purpose as a parent was to unlearn all the beliefs and values that block the awareness of my true identity so that I can accept the flow of the spirit in my daughter’s life.
It is the story we create around our child’s disability that causes unhappiness or grief, not the disability. It’s the thoughts that we buy into that label us, however we can dismiss the labels by embracing the opportunity for spiritual growth. It is our choice.
Too often we allow our happiness to be determined by how our children are performing. We decided that in order for the child to be happy and fulfilled, they have to be a good student, have lots of friends, or behave in a certain way in order to be considered normal. When our children are happy, we will be happy. But when we do this, we’ve decided happiness lies outside of us, that someone else is responsible for our happiness. The greatest gift we can give our children is to see the divine light in them no matter what is happening to them physically and emotionally.
I see you…
Not your behavior…
Not your condition…
I see who you really are….
When we as parents embrace this idea, we can look at ways to see beyond the labels to the wholeness of spirit in every child, in this way we don’t give power to the label.
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